Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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