I just cut my nipple shaving
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
