"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
