Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
