I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
