Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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