Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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