yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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