Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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