I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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