God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
