Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So squirting runs in the family.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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