oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
