life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
