Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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