Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
