i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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