paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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