I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
