This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
