you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
