wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
