why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
