Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
