Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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