why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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