we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
