Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
