I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
