hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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