she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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