No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
