happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
