Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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