____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
