I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
