capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
