I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
