dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
