i wish my penis had a tongue
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
