"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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