If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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