Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
