I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
