is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
