My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
