I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
