k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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