I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
