Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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