if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
