i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
