im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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