i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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