She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
