currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
