I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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